“Always” is an interesting word, some dare to use it as promise, it’s their way to say “forever”… but how can you promise forever when forever can end today… In this very second. I guess promises are better than nothing, right? Sorry, you have to understand I’m not that kind of girl. My hands have tried holding on to forever the way kids try to hold water in their hands. Naively- in a clumsy matter…Just by taking a quick glance I can tell you are confused…..you see…

Maybe there could’ve been a future for us,
Maybe in another dimension we are perfect for one another.

I mean, there’s a reason why we feel the way we feel.

Maybe there’s a dimension in which everyone can be vulnerable, show their true feelings…
A dimension where I don’t have to feel pressured to always be ahead of the game.

A game that probably only exist in my head. A game that encourages me to be distant. To be far enough from the battlefield many call love. To put my shield up and guard my Heart because heaven only knows how tired we are. And i say we because my it’s not my heart that speaking right now but my head. My heart would never be able to let you walk away but my head know there’s a bigger battle to face and it can’t take any more pains.

my heart can’t take another maybe, another could’ve been, another should’ve been.

Please don’t look at me that way. Trust me, it’s not you, and there’s no words to describe how badly I wish you would’ve been my first heartbreak.., but you see, you don’t know me
.
Just because you see me, it does not mean that you know the reason why I cry every time you hold me close.

And I usually don’t say word love because what is love? Many talk about love as if they have acquired a PhD on emotions, but for me it’s different. Love has never been a word in my vocabulary… neither has care or protection. I guess I’m used to quickly fade away the moment I feel either one is compromised, so please walk away as I’ll keep recklessly moving from place to place .

Somewhere safe.
Away from this.

Away from us because all i’ve known is hate and you deserve something else. Someone who won’t vanish when things get hard. Someone whose heart and mind are one. Someone who is willing to hand her beating heart over… Please believe me when I say I wish I could be that person but we both know even X-rays wouldn’t be able to find my heart. Don’t worry though…you will forget me. Everyone does. So let me zip away. One last time.

Thank you and goodbye.

• KP
####

I run away. That’s my first instict. The moment things complicate I run as if my life depended on it…but the past always catches up to me. 

I guess what im trying to say is I’m done running. Maybe if I face my past I will able to move on and be happy. 

In this blog I post multiples blurs, diary entries, videos, photos, anything and everything… You are more than welcome to join me and reach out, if anyone ever needs someone to talk to I’m here like most of the time.  

Mucho love,

-KP